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The meek shall inherit the earth. Probably because they`re the only ones who won`t complain about what we`ve done to it.
If Jehovah`s witnesses brought pizza and beer with them, I`d gladly let them in to spend an afternoon chatting about religion.
Just once, I would like to see a person on a daytime talk show say, "dad was a good parent...mom was a good parent...the problem is me, I`m just a sh!thead."
Caller ID should be more detailed~ "Wants Help Moving" "Going to Whine" "Will Ask to Borrow Money"
These last 7 hours at work are always the longest.
Apparently sleeping your way to the top doesn`t mean dozing off in meetings or taking naps in the copier room.
If going to church has taught me anything, it is that Catholics hate unexpected pterodactyl impressions.
This headache feels like dumb people
I`m first world poor. That means I have a smart phone and laptop that I use to go online and see that I have no money in my bank account.
Revenge is not in my plans. You`ll f*ck yourself on your own.
I go into Best Buy and ask "Where are your most expensive yet least guarded items?" Then someone is always nearby when I have questions.
Heck, I can tell which people are really judgmental just by looking at them.
What an intoxicated Schwarzenegger might say to a police officer: "I`m an IDIOT you COP!"
My desire to be well informed is currently in deep conflict with my need to stay sane.
Sometimes I think "Screw this ... I`ll just be a stripper!"