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If you figure me out I want an explanation.
I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters.. do they just give you a bra and say, "here fill this out"..?
I haven`t slept for three days, because that would be too long
Girls are like guitars: easy to strum, hard to tune
Before I got married I didn`t even know there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge
Don`t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
My wife went home to visit her mother today. Or as I refer to it. Her “bitch refresher course”.
After I clear my browser history I do a quick google search for things like "feeding the hungry" and "How to thank a loving wife"
I`m still trying to get over the fact that oranges are pre-sliced by nature.
I can understand your anger at me, but what could you possibly have against the horse I rode in on?
You would think with all the ice water laying all over the world, it would be a lot cooler...
Whenever I hear "let me tell you the truth", I secretly cross my fingers, hoping they say "brownies are healthy, eat as many as you want."
They`ve been farting with my facebook again. It`s like the old days when the the girl you woke up with wasn`t the one you went to bed with.
Thought I saw a kangaroo today but turned out to be a greyhound having a dump !
I think my phone has a Miley virus,It stopped twerking