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I saw a fat kid sitting on a seesaw all by himself. I stopped and waited for another kid to fall from the sky. I left disappointed.
I wonder how many dads named their sons Luke just so they can say "Luke, I am your father."....
If it`s true that we are here on earth to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
It`s like my kids don`t even believe how cool I was in the 80s.
My wife just said that I was the worst behaved out of all her children.
I’m giving up on the silent treatment. ...Going to start talking to myself again.
"That wasn`t chicken in the Chow Mein" I`d make a great Fortune Cookie writer.
50 notifications later I regret ever commenting on your status.
The grass is always greener over the septic tank
It’s hard to tell if I’m dealing really well with life these days or if I just don’t give a sh!t.
Sometimes Google should just come back with an answer that says, `Trust me, you don`t want to know.`
I don’t understand shark movies I mean just get out of the water.
in wine there is wisdom. in beer there is freedom. in water there is... umm bacteria
funny status idea: a funny and popular one
No matter how compelling and convincing the other person’s argument is, you can always win a debate by adding “yeah, but still” at the end.