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If someday we all go to prison for downloading Movies and TV shows, I just hope they split us up by genre.
A cash bar on parent-teacher conference nights would be a great fundraiser for schools.
You know when you`re exercising and feel like you could keep going and going? That`s happening to me, only with beer.
Sunglasses allow you to stare at people without getting caught. It`s like facebook in real life.
I’m sorry I slapped you. It’s just you seemed like you weren’t going to stop talking and I panicked.
Not to brag, but they know me by name at the liquor store and the police station.
I wonder how long I`d be on hold if my call wasn`t important to them.
Start each day with a positive thought like, "I can go back to bed in about 17 short hours."
The last time I touched a breast, it was in a KFC bucket.
I was at the pool today and tried to sneak a quick pee in the deep end. The lifeguard must have seen me. He blew his whistle so loud that I almost fell in.
Apparently "whiskey and wild women" is not an acceptable answer when asked what your weaknesses are during a job interview.
You bring the friendship, I`ll bring the benefits.
Stop calling them rednecks. The term is NASCAR-Americans. Y`all.
Why does it have to be bacon OR sausage?
I never use the phrase, "Your guess is as good as mine" because, well... it`s not.