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For all the taxes they take out of my paycheck they should at least send me a picture of the broke ass family I support to hang on my fridge.
Well, if you count Elmer Fudd singing "Kill the Wabbit" then yes, I do like opera.
I`m afraid to hug fat girls....what if they`re hungry?
I`m always extra nice to the weird kid, so one day he`ll spare my life when he finally snaps.
I’ve made some pretty bad choices in life but I have to admit, having orange juice with Oreos was the worst.
Three weeks without a signal typo!
Someone asked me today if ive ever been with two women at the same time. But why would I want to disappoint two women at the same time?
You had me at "I hate that b!tch too".
The only thing I ever throwback on Thursdays are drinks
Ebay is really getting worse and worse to use. Yesterday I searched for a cigarette lighter. I got 3,974, 601 matches...
How to cuss a kid out... "Shut the fudge up you little astronaut! You son of a batch of cookies! What the helicopters are you doing?!"
There’s nothing like having a long to-do list to make me feel like doing absolutely nothing.
This girl is ignoring me like a check engine light.
Since everything is closed for Thanksgiving I’m going to drive around and park in all the good spots I never get.
Spoiler Alert: Ladies, if your guy friend gets you a teddy bear, it has a Camera in it.