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I think the cats are hording all the single women out there...
If I’ve offended you, please accept my apology. Then smack yourself in the face for getting offended by something on the Internet.
"F@ck It" has gotten me through a lot of situations.
A pessimist thinks that all women are sluts. An optimist hopes that they are.
That awkward moment when you go for a run and your boobs start to bounce up and down.......and you`re a guy.
There really should be awards for getting out of bed.
I can almost always tell when dinosaurs in movies aren’t real.
Do you like me? Breathe for yes, lick your elbow for no.
I once dated a girl with a parrot. The thing was crazy and never shut up! The parrot was cool though.
If you`ve ever wondered which of your friends are really amazing, you`re in luck today. :)
Working on my 32 point plan to be more spontaneous. Any suggestions?
Someone asked me today what was the toughest thing about being a parent ... I would have to say it’s the kids.
I think New York has reached the point where it can finally be called York.
Birth control pills should really be made for men. It makes more sense to unload a gun than to shoot a bulletproof vest.
Wow, that Macy`s parade is crazy! The Kanye West float just cut off Snoopy and said Woodstock can fly better!