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Never judge a man ’till you’ve driven a mile with his wife.
My life is a constant cycle of waiting for the weekend and then not doing anything when it comes.
I took a sexual harassment course this afternoon.... I think I am going to be pretty good at it.
Apparently when a trainer asks you why you want to get in shape and you answer "revenge" it will raise a couple eyebrows.
Pretty considerate of germs to count all the way to five before jumping on the food we drop.
Did you know that one minute of kissing burns 26 calories? No wonder those sluts are so damn skinny.
This haunted house sucks. It`s just people sitting in cubicles under fluorescent lights looking sad. Wait, I`m at work, sorry.
People are always gonna talk about you, so you might as well give them something good to say.
A new heavy metal Christian Rock band will soon be releasing their debut album. They`re called Nuns `n` Moses.
My problem is that all food is comfort food
Just heard a lady say "When in doubt, get a pizza"... I don`t know who this woman is but she`s my new life coach.
"I understand your logic, but let`s try to look at this more emotionally." - women
The future is that time when you’ll wish you’d done what you aren’t doing now.
Why can`t we just change the spelling to fit the way it sounds: Bologna = Bolony Lasagna = lasania knife= nife tsunami = sunami politician = a$$hole
My new diet plan consists of multiple naps. Because you can`t stuff your face when you`re sleeping.