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A world without women would be a pain in the a$$.
The only government agency that listens to you is the NSA.
Guys... If the girl your getting down with doesn`t even have time to fake an orgasm..... It`s prob best you just make your sandwich
Yawning is our body`s way of saying 20% of battery remaining
Note to Self: Next time I leave my wife a message that I`m in a threesome all afternoon, specify it`s golf.
Honestly, it`s not the way I look that reveals my age. It`s my use of complete sentences, proper grammar and spelling when I text.
Non alcoholic beer is like a porn movie on the radio
I`ve been struggling with my laziness. I can`t decide if I should sit down and do nothing or lie down and do nothing.
Since smart watches can now read your pulse, there should be a feature that erases your browser history if your heart stops beating...
Somebody is out there, somewhere, thinking of the impact you`ve made in their life. It`s not me. I think your an idiot.
1st thing I do after great sex! Turn the alarm clock off.........
I thought "twerking" was short for "networking". I really embarrassed myself while giving that presentation to the company`s Board of Directors.
Im having a problem in Call Of Duty, I go to the menu and... alright by now the girls have stopped reading this, anyone know any good porn sites?
I was trying to think of something really deep to post on Facebook this morning. The Mariana Trench comes to mind.
I hate getting my picture taken. Especially in front of a height chart at the police station.