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That`s weird, all this time I thought the Birds and the Bees was a dance from the 50`s.
Two knives taped together are not a suitable alternative to scissors.
Every morning, I jog around my block 15 times. Then I pick the block up and put it back in my toy chest..
My wife told me her favourite position is when i lay very very still for a few hours........late at night....until the alarm clock goes off in the morning.
If a bra is called an `Over the shoulder bolder holder,` then would you call men`s underwear `Under the butt nut hut?`
Where does Peter Pan have his lunch? At Wendy`s.
It’s almost 2015, I expect a toaster that pops the bread up in a less terrifying way.
I don`t think any of my vampire jokes will ever see the light of day.
There`s no room in my life for B.S. ... Unless it`s burritos oand salsa
Confucius would have been great at Status Updates......
I just got an email telling me how I can have fuller, firmer breasts. I can`t wait to show them to my wife!!
Don`t let anyone tell you what you can`t accomplish. That`s what self-doubt is for.
Thanks to my mom, I put my name on all of my underwear so they`re easier to spot when I go through the bar`s lost and found box.
I’m so happy people can’t hear what I’m thinking.
There is no vulnerable feeling like when you are about to sneeze ... with a mouthful of rice.