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I don’t understand how people have to “get ready for bed”…I’m always ready for bed.
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, that`s just science
A good example of mixed emotions would be finding a hundred dollar bill nailed to your tire.
I`m thinkin` Dodgeball........... but with random people..........who don`t know they are playing.............
They should really be Middle-Age Mutant Business Turtles by now.
I enjoy going to costume parties that have a theme. ..."Nude Beach" is my personal favorite.
Describe myself in three words ... 1. Lazy
If you attached a bunch of watches together to make a belt it would be a waist of time.
Even if your life was a total waste of space, there’s always hope that you’ll die in a weird enough way to make a CSI episode.
Note to self: Stop leaving notes to yourself, you never read them anyway...
I think instead of doing laundry I`m just going to buy a second hamper...
I can tell by your boobs that you`ve never seen a bar tab.
Its all fun and games until someone drinks the beer with the cigarette butts in it..
If you leave me a voice mail that asks me to call you back at my convenience you have no one to blame but yourself.
Do you want to hear a joke about constipation and dementia? ...Well, tough sh!t, I forgot it.