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I am currently watching the Holy Grail of horror movies. There are 10 minutes left and the black guy is still alive.
I just want to find someone who will love me for exactly who I am pretending to be.
Know the rules well so you can break them effectively.
I can`t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.
If you ever want to know what you look like to the world, don’t look in a mirror, have a child draw you.
I`m watching Godzilla tonight.... His parents asked me to babysit
Bike helmets only protect you from looking cool.
Just a word of advice for all you single guys having a hard time out there, Forget the clubs, forget the churches, forget the online dating sites, as the best places to meet single women are the freezer section and down the cat food isle.....
If there is a wrong place and a wrong time, I’ll be there.
A bird in the hand is the best way to eat chicken.
We should bury everyone upside down so if they come back as zombies they`ll dig the wrong way. It`s called thinking ahead guys.
Got a paper cut turning the pages in my self-defense book.
Getting a text from someone when I`m trying to Facebook is the emotional equivalent to walking into a spider web.
People who really love their jobs are annoying. Keep that sh!t to yourself.
i dont have drain bramage.