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*Removes smoke detector battery *Cooks in silence
Funny how things change with time, I used to hate spankings.. ;)
I wish the media and politicians would stop jumping to delusions.
If an officer asks “do you know why I pulled you over?” “Because it’s the only way to get girls to talk to you” is a bad answer, apparently
Thanks, resealable packaging, but I think we both know that won`t be necessary.
I bought a huge plastic Christmas tree today! the shop assistant asked me if I was going to put it up myself? I told him "Don`t be stupid, i`m gonna put it in the lounge room"
Let`s share...you take the grenade and I`ll take the pin.
"I knew that..." -Me, after every Jeopardy question.
Arguing with people in the comments section is like crack for me. I don`t do it.
The best part of my divorce was how I woke up and I hadn`t done anything wrong
My buddy asked me the other night if he could crash on my couch. I had to explain to him that I`m married now and thats were I sleep...
Just assume that we aren’t close enough for you to send me a game invites on Facebook.
My To-Do list for today is just a bunch of things I wanna eat.
Sorry I hung up on you, I didn`t mean to answer the call.
Parenting tip: if you beat one child with the other child you can tell people they were just fighting. You`re welcome.