Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Wanted: Someone to hand feed me Cheetos so my fingers don`t get orange..... P.S. No weirdos.
There is no "we" in "bacon", so don`t even ask.
figured out today that my GPS has auto-correct....I put in "Beach house" and ended up in my ex`s driveway.
Salary is like a menstrual cycle, it comes once a month and is gone in five days...
I don`t like country music, but I don`t mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means `put down`.
It’s pretty scary that before facebook… All these thoughts and stuff just stayed in peoples heads.
I`m not saying I can perform miracles or anything, but when the Taco Bell employee isn`t looking,, I can turn water into Sprite.
I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought "that`s a fair trade."
I did not mean to hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I just figured you already knew.
Hitting on women at this PTA meeting would probably be easier if I actually had a kid at this school.
I hate it when I`m trying to take a selfie and somebody calls my camera.
Look up procrastinator on Wikipedia. There’s a picture of me. Well there isn’t yet, but there will be. Probably by tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.
I dont mind going to work, but this eight hour wait to go home is bullsh*t
FANNNN...DANNNNN....GOOOOO. Breathe The A`s.
What is this World Cup and can I drink from it?