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I hope this guy at the urinal next to me can see that I`m checking Facebook and not taking pictures.
Imagine, for a moment, what you could accomplish if you had the persistence and drive of the Adobe Acrobat Reader updater.
I have a life outside of internet, it involves charging my phone.
People who say they sleep like a baby usually dont have one
Clearly, it is wrong to describe woman`s menopause as "the old Fallopian tubes finally rusting shut." My bad.
I`m in my 30`s, but I still feel like I`m in my 20`s until I hang out with people in their 20`s and I`m like, "nope, I`m in my 30`s"
I`d like to change and get comfy, yet that requires effort. Ever feel this lazy?
When someone yells stop, I don`t know if it`s in the name of love, it`s hammer time, or if I should collaborate and listen.
Everyone’s an optimist when it comes to their car’s fuel gauge.
Up to date Girl Scout cookie sales by states: California: 138,000 Boxes Florida: 129,000 Boxes Virginia: 126,000 Boxes Colorado: 8 Million Boxes
My head hurts, I think my horns are coming in...
I started to keep a notepad beside the bed so that I can write down post at night, so far I have: Really shitty handwriting in the dark.
You can`t make everyone happy, so just concentrate on me.
Due to no supervision and sheer lack of self control; I sincerely with GREAT guilt! Here now inform you. I ate your banana split
Reasons to date me: I laugh at my own jokes so you don`t have to.