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What does Miley Cyrus have for dinner on Christmas? Twerky :`)
If someday we all go to prison for downloading Movies and TV shows, I just hope they split us up by genre.
Let`s run away together.. Lol jk, I don`t run anywhere.
The secret to eternal life and happiness could be hidden in the Terms & Conditions and we would never know.
I like to walk through the mall and hand out bags of Cheetos to all the kids I see wearing white clothes
"What did you do today?" "I text messaged." :)
"Being naked isn`t fun" - said no one ever.
Despite the old saying, "Don`t take your troubles to bed", many women still sleep with their husbands.
There are a lot of side effects to smoking weed. Like never shutting up about the fact that you smoke weed.
Sometimes I just open up the cabinet and let the Tupperware hit me in the face on purpose.
Give me a fish & I`ll cook you dinner. Teach me to fish & I`ll just be sitting there in the boat with you getting drunk.
There is only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. Which is water lying about being milk.
I`d divorce my wife but I never want to see her that happy!
Dear Fox news,I have yet to see any news about foxes. Sincerely, disappointed viewer.
The exam hall is the only place on the earth where everyone is desperate for teamwork..