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GF: Does this dress make my a$$ look big? BF: Nope Your A$$ makes the dress look big.
I like people. I just don`t want them talking to me. Or breathing near me. Or making me look up from my phone.
Forgot to make resolutions? Just write out everything you did New Years Eve and at the beginning add the word "stop."
Dating someone solely on their looks is shallow. Consider other things such as how much money they have.
My sleep number is 151 ... Bacardi 151
I exercised once, but found I was allergic to it. My skin flushed and my heart raced. I got sweaty and short of breath. Very dangerous.
If opposites truly attract, the correct life strategy is to be a complete loser.
The Fourth of July was an annual reminder of how useless my dog would be in a war.?
I`m just saying it might be a good idea for Liam Neeson`s to take his family members to the vet and get them microchipped.
I like it here because not only do I get to air out my dirty laundry, I get to see yours too.
heyy lol
I have many hidden talents. Just wish I could find `em.
I bet heroin addicts can open a Capri sun on the first try.
People say 60 is the new 40 but the cop who just pulled me over doesn`t agree.
If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it and shove it up your a$$.