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Stress balls really work when you shove them down someone`s throat.
My 6 yo just chugged a bottle of water in 30 seconds. Now I`m fearful of her college days.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side!
There`s no law against twerking...but apparently it`s still frowned upon during jury duty.
The good thing about "poking" on Facebook, no babies are created.
I refuse to jump on the `I hate Mondays` bandwagon. I hate all workdays equally
We`re up to Fast n Furious #6. Shouldn`t they just create a weekly TV series?
A dozen roses: $12, a box of chocolates: $10, a Happy Valentines Day card: $2, still having $24 dollars because you`re single: priceless!
There`s always cake to celebrate happy moments, but I really think cake would do better during the bad times. Got fired? Have a cake.
It`s just adorable how the Liquor Store cashier always wishes me a good week as if I won`t be back tomorrow.
Spring cleaning: The term that gives us an excuse to only clean once a year.
Don`t let this historic Cubs World Series win distract you from the fact that Donkey never made Shrek those waffles he promised to make.
The light does go out in the fridge ... Now I have to wait for someone to let me out.
Ladies, don`t date him just because his dad has a yacht. Date the dad.
Do girls that make duck faces in pictures walk in a V formation at the mall?