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Going to drink straight from the carton because I`m a badass!
Life is not a garden so quit being a hoe
You know it`s gonna be a sh!tty day when you put your bra on backwords and it fits better.
When you think about it, the little old man behind the curtain in Oz was the original catfish.
I`m doing the KFC Bucket Challenge!
75% of my day consists of looking at the clock and not believing it
When I`m bored, I send a random text to a random number saying "I hid the body... now what?"
Nobody texts faster than a pissed off female.
Time to turn over a new leaf ... With my luck it’ll be poison ivy.
Rick Ross be rapping about cars he can`t even fit in.
"We attack at dawn!" - Hangovers
In the 60`s we took LSD to make the world look wierd. Now the world is weird and we take Prozac to make it look normal.
Worst part about getting a phone call is the 12 seconds you can`t use your phone as you wait for it to stop ringing.
The best part about living by myself is not having to explain why I fell asleep on the kitchen counter… naked… again.
Sometimes I wonder if I could get away with murder, but then I remember I can’t even eat pancakes without getting syrup all over me.