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This is just a quick shout-out to bread bowls, waffle cones and other edible containers. You guys are doing a great job.
Don’t text and drive. You don’t want “lol” to be the last thing you say before you die.
If you see me talking to myself don`t be alarmed. I`m getting expert advice.
I want someone to look at me the way I look at the waiter when he brings my meal.
I bet Captain Crunch has some amazing abs.
Every time I see a safety warning on a product I can`t help think to myself how natural selection has failed us once again...
$5.99 Trojan condoms or $19.99 Huggies diapers. Choose wisely...
Why is it called "reading a book" and not paper view?
Targeted ads are trying to sell me a new mattress nowadays. With how much Google knows about me you`d think they`d cap themselves at something like $5 footlongs or stationary.
Time is precious ... waste it wisely!
This hot fudge sundae hasn`t killed me so it must be making me stronger.
The longer I stay at home, the more homeless I look.
It`s Saturday morning. My neighbor has mowed his lawn AND weeded his garden. I`ve spent ten minutes trying to reach the remote with my foot.
Tomorrow I`m going to start using big words to sound smart....Sorry, I meant utilizing gargantuan idioms to simulate intelligence
If that was me in the movie Taken, my dad would have missed the call and emailed me 3 days later asking if I have a job yet