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i joined new gym yesterday. i did 3 sets of selfies on each machine
OMG you guys! Almost hit a jogger while i was taking a selfie and driving today...so please you guys, be careful, do NOT jog.
200 pictures of you at the bar and 2 pictures with your kids. You must be quite the mom.
Marriage is just a 50 year long negotiation over thermostat settings.
Are you one of those people that get hurt from things posted on Facebook? You can easily avoid that by keeping your a$$ off of Facebook.
The true definition of safe sex is having a padded headboard.
If anyone is interested, I’ll be signing books tomorrow at Barnes & Noble from 1:00 PM until I’m escorted out by security.
Don’t let anyone tell you how to live your life! Unless you’re an idiot. In that case, please listen carefully.
There is always light at the end of the tunnel. It might be a train or a truck so dont let it hit you.
I wasn`t born with enough middle fingers to show you how I really feel about you!
Weird how old people suddenly stop being so deaf the second you put music they don’t like on
If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, nobody else wanted them either :)
I turned out ok for a kid raised in a large part by Bugs Bunny.
I`m not real excited that the wrapping on my toilet paper said `100% Recycled`.
Everyone wants their kid to learn to walk until exactly 30 seconds after their kid learns to walk.