Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Did anyone hear the one about the cross dresser? The happiest day in his life was when he finally got into his girlfriend`s pants.
Karma has no menu. You get served what you deserve.
My last relationship was a lot like The Notebook. It felt like it lasted forever and we both wanted to die towards the end.
If you like to listen to music while having sex, listen to a live album. That way you will get an applause every 3-4 minutes.
Most people don`t think I`m as old as I am until they hear me stand up.
Sometimes I wish I could officially change "Hump Day" into "Smack-A-Dumb-Bitch-In-The-Face" Day.
I have two moods: sleep is for the weak and sleeping for a week.
Zombies and I have a lot in common; we both walk around aimlessly looking for something to eat.
Never fight anyone who bows to you first.
If cockroaches can survive atomic bombs and chemical warfare, what the f*ck is in a can of Raid?
In terms of procrastination, I`ve had a very productive day.
When I die, I am going to haunt the f*ck out of you people.
Why is it when you take a break from Facebook everyone assumes you`re happy and in love ... Maybe I was in jail.
It takes patience to listen. It takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
Gravity didn`t seem this strong twenty-five years ago.