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A person who says they will never lie to you is probably lying already.
I just burnt my tongue on my food. It made me realise that itβs the ones we love that hurt us the most.
The perfect time for a snack is while youβre waiting for another snack to finish cooking.
why would you go outside? that`s where bugs live
If I had a dollar for everytime I was distracted, look squirrel!
What age is the best to break it to my kids, that they`re NOT adopted?
There is no evidence that exists that life should be taken seriously.
If you have alphabet fridge magnets and morals, you probably shouldn`t invite me over.
Ladies, if you want men to look at your face and not your chest, eat a banana.
Must be nice to get married and finally know who the number one suspect in your murder case will be
Everything I need to know in life I learned in kindergarten... if you poop your pants they let you go home.
If you`re behind someone at an ATM at night, let them know you`re not a threat by gently kissing their neck.
*pulls shirt back down* I guess I don`t understand what a flash mob actually is.
My Tupperware lids and single socks are chilling somewhere laughing at me.
Fun Fact: Over 97.8% of men have already made mistakes this year that a woman will remind him about for the rest of his days.