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20 years from now, some adults are going to say they grew up on the “bad part of town,” meaning there was no 4G in that area.
The sight of naked cleavage reduces a man`s ability to reason by 50% ... Per boob.
I hate when I spend the extra money to buy organic vegetables only to get home and find out that I bought regular donuts.
Ice cream is clearly God`s way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.
The more photos you have to untag, the better the weekend was.
Sorry, I didn`t get your text...Just kidding, I ignored that sh!t.
Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.
Just once, I`d like to clock out from work by sliding down a dinosaur.
Facebook should have a limit on times you can change your relationship status... After 3 it should default to "Unstable"
Yes, I streaked once on a dare ... all the rest of the times though were just for fun
If there is such thing as a fake noodle, does that make it an impasta?
I don`t care how loud I`m laughing, I`m having fun and you`re not.
We should be nicer to old people. When they walked uphill both ways in the snow they had to do it without an internet connection too.
if sexyness, kindness, sweetness was a crime, You would be the world`s most wanted
No one in my entire life has believed in me more than the waiter who gave me a single napkin to use while eating my lunch yesterday.