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Summer is here. I`m in the process of moving all my bad habits outside.
Change of plans everyone: NOBODY Wang Chung tonight.
I`m really wanting to sit and watch a movie with my boyfriend. Can anyone recommend a good boyfriend?
When I want your opinion, I’ll give it a funny voice.
You’re going to make some cats very happy one day.
Every time I see a safety warning on a product I can`t help think to myself how natural selection has failed us once again...
Give a kid a Pop Tart and they eat for a day. Teach a kid how to make a Pop Tart and you sleep in all summer
I once overdosed on Viagra. My wife took it really hard.
If kids are so wonderful why do you have to pay people to watch them?
Seems like I can`t go anywhere in my house without somebody recognizing me.
Every girl is beautiful, sometimes it just takes the right amount of alcohol to see it....
everyone is BEAUTIFUL in there own way--your just to UGLY to see that
When your boss says "You need help", he never means a hitman.
I`m angrier than a waitress forced to sing happy birthday
Sometimes, my greatest accomplishment is just keeping my mouth shut.