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30 years later and my Cabbage Patch Kid still has no clue that he`s adopted.
As an adult, I use nunchucks way less than I expected.
The doctor told me I need more greens in my diet. So I have switched to mint Oreos.
Let`s go to my place and do the things I`ll tell everyone we did anyway.
A homeless man comes up to me asking for change, I say "Change comes from within." He looked stunned.
Lesson Learned: I poured bleach on the asshole that cut me off at the self-checkout. According to the cop, I misunderstood asshole bleaching.
Gotta thin the herd. – me eating animal crackers
Is it rude to put *vomits* under someone`s post ?
Adam didn`t take any crap from Eve. He wore the plants in that relationship
Not to brag, but most of the problems that take Dora the Explorer 30 minutes to figure out, I can solve in like 18-20 minutes.
You`re one of a kind! Thank goodness...
Most of happiness just comes from staying away from idiots.
When people introduce themselves to me for the first time, I tell them, "Yes, we`ve met before." So they feel awkward trying to remember me
Never go on a blind date with a friend! She was so big when i took her home she went to my backyard and started grazing.
Young enough to know I can. Old enough to know I shouldn`t. Stupid enough to do it anyway.