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Wouldn’t it be great to hear a priest say “been there, done that” in reply to your confessed sins?
I think it`s safe to say that my 2 year old is definitely more excited to see the fire truck next door than my neighbor.
The average person farts 14 times a day. Finally, I`m above average at something!!
My friends are the type of friends that if my house was on fire, they would be over here with marshmallows and hitting on the hot fireman!
My greatest achievement today was writing this status.
I’m tired of things costing money.
Roses are red, violets are blue, vodka costs less than a dinner for two.
I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.
I feel like I am losing my mind !!! But as long as I can keep the bit that tells me when to pee, I should be OK !!
Eventually, the entire written English language will be taken over by emoticons. Teenage girls will bring us back to Egyptian hieroglyphics.
I need a better plan of action when my phone rings than throwing it.
There should be an "oh my god, shut up already" button.
Driving isn’t even in the top 5 things I’m thinking about when I’m driving.
Try this... When leaving a fancy restaurant tell the people coming in "I recommend you try the donkey, snail or the squirrel".
If our phones were really smart, they would tell us to get off of Facebook and do something meaningful or constructive with our lives.