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It`s funny how when you post a status and some people think it`s about them..Hahahaha it was.
Ran into the girl who broke my heart. Totally worth the damage to my car.
Can you imagine the reactions 25 years ago if you showed someone a photo album of pictures you took of yourself in the bathroom?
is "insert clever remark here."
I had been dreaming about eating a giant marshmallow, when I woke up my pillow was gone! :O
Cats have been named the #1 pet held hostage by lonely women.
You can stay, but your clothes must go.
The first person who discovered how to make popcorn must have been like "WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON!"
You being crazy doesn`t bother me. It`s you being crazier than me...That makes me freakin` jealous.
Why is it never opportunity that`s knocking? Instead, it`s usually cops with a warrant...
How much Hershey`s Chocolate Syrup can I add before it`s really not a SlimFast shake anymore?
If goldfish crackers actually tasted like goldfish-- wait, I just realized I`ve never tasted a goldfish. What if the crackers are accurate?
Walking out of a store after not buying anything and thinking, “try not to act like a criminal, try not to act like a criminal”
Be the type of gentleman that holds the door open for your girl, but smacks her ass as she walks in.
If 3 people have sex, it`s called a 3-some. If 2 people have sex, it`s called a 2-some. I guess we now know why they call you HAND-some.