Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I miss the good old days when we blamed Marilyn Manson for all our problems.
Turns out Xenophobia is not `A fear of Warrior Princesses`
If you rub two sticks together fast enough, you`ll eventually start a widespread panic on the subway.
Good job with the heavy sighs, guy behind me, that should definitely help speed up the line.
Father: Earlier you used to call me papa but now dad, why? Daughter: Come on dad, calling you PAPA spoiles my lipstick.
I can`t believe that it`s almost the year 2014 and I still have to bend down to pick stuff up.
Dating a single mother is like pressing continue on some one elses saved game
I saw a sign at a cafe that said, "shoes must be worn." I was upset, because my shoes were brand new.
The only F word out a woman`s mouth that scares me is "fine."
I like wearing glasses because I like to dramatically remove them before I say something profound. Doing that with contacts doesn`t have the same effect.
Don`t you just love it when you see someone who is photogenic, looks perfect in every picture but then when you see them in person you`re like EURGH God Damn! What happened to you in the last 24h!
Why can`t life be as easy as I am?
You think having periods is hard? ... Try being on a 24 hour killstreak on Call of Duty with itchy balls.
When I was a kid “The Server Is Down” meant your waiter was depressed.
Sometimes people don`t notice or appreciate the things we do for them, until we stop doing it. Then they are like, “Why don’t you stalk me anymore”