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One of the most important things in life is perserverance. Hang on...perseveren...no, perserveer...pesever… oh, never mind.....
I wanna be skinny but I also want to have pizza for breakfast lunch and dinner, you feel me?
If by sexy you mean me licking the donut icing off my fingers then yes I can be damn sexy.
Live in the moment. Unless the moment sucks. Then live on Facebook.
New documentary movie about white trash ... I only saw the trailer...
I should probably eat this entire bag of Oreos tonight since they`re going to expire in 2017.
"What doesn`t kill you makes you smaller." -Super Mario
I just read the words "untimely death" and thought, "Man, I hope my death is timely."
I`m always on the verge of running three miles, or drinking a bottle of Vodka
I wish I could google "things to eat in my fridge" so I wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed. ;)
Whenever being single gets me down, I like to close my eyes, take a deep breath and then go do whatever I want pretty much nonstop.
A hot woman telling me about her boyfriend is like setting money on fire in front of a homeless person.
Elderly people used to always nudge me at weddings and say "You`re next."What got them to stop is when............I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
In Canada, she`s Kilometery Cyrus.
You lost your phone and it`s on silent? Too bad. If you liked it then you should`ve put a ring on it.