Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"Grow a pear." - How to insult an apple tree.
I find it most unfair that the dentist in this neighborhood hands out toothbrushes for Halloween but the pharmacist doesn`t hand out drugs.
Just pour the coffee and back away slowly.
feels like I`m forgetting to flip someone off today.
Don’t run with scissors — unless you’re stealing scissors, of course. If so, run. Run like the wind scissor thief!
May your life be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.
Do you ever start writing a status and half way through you’re just like… nah
I`m absolutely nailing this "I give a sh!t" face today!
I was doing laundry today and accidentally left out a very large fart. 4 people turned around. For a minute, I thought I was on "The Voice".
This coworker is about to find out walking around smiling on a Monday always leads to workplace accidents.
Remember when you thought you’d have it all together by the time you were the age you are now? LOL
To the individual who sat outside in their car, across the street from our house, at 530 am and had Led Zepplens Immigrant Song blaring at full volume, I have one thing to say to you! AWESOME CHOICE DUDE!!!!!!!
Whoever said paper beats rock is an idiot. Next time that happens, I`m gonna throw a rock at them while they hold up a sheet of paper.
I was at the hospital earlier today and saw a cute girl with a cast on her leg. Naturally, my first thought was "Hey, this one can`t run away..."
I have noticed that everyone who is for abortion, has already been born.