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Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called “fun sized” should really re-evaluate their standards for entertainment.
Stop saying `all the men are the same` who told you to try them all..WHORE!!?¿
Mother mosquito: Hey kiddo, how was your first flight? kid mosquito: Great mom! Everyone was clapping for me.
Omg!! got 6 numbers on the Lotto.. and the stupid machine didn´t pick any of them
The more you know. Daylight Savings started back in 1964 when Jerry Daylight Savings was an hour late for work & convinced his boss all the clocks were wrong.
The Shining is my favorite movie about what can happen when you spend too much time with family.
Roses are red, violets are blue. If I had a brick, I`d throw it at you.
I never forget a breast, I mean face. I never forget a face.
I hear boomerangs are making a comeback.
i hate it when other people hate the person i hate!!!
My girlfriend left a note on the fridge, "It`s not working. I cant take it anymore, I`m going to moms" I opened the fridge, the light came on, the beer was cold, WTF is she talking about?
Why do they call a status a status if it already happened? I mean, shouldnt it be called History?
I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with hope that it might magically solve her problems.
If you have a Selfie Stick Pro, go back two spaces.
We got an extra day this year. Why did it have to be a Monday?