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Doctor: Do you drink alcohol? Me: Why? What`ve you got?
Yeah, you go ahead and climb that mountain "because it`s there", I am going to eat this Pizza "because it`s here"................................
You just dont know how dumb you are until you get a little smarter
You could completely eliminate the semicolon key and 90% of America wouldn`t notice... until they needed to wink at somebody.
Chapstick is an entire industry based on you losing the product and buying more.
The only time I proof read is to see how much alcohol comes in a bottle.
I might not be smarter than a 5th grader, but I can buy beer.
The problem with the girl of my dreams is that she’s never around when I’m awake.
My life has a surprising lack of dance battles.
It`s fun to chant "Bloody Mary" three times into your car`s side mirror while driving at night and watch her jog to keep up
There`s nothing like hearing the laughter of a baby. Unless it`s 1AM and you`re home alone.
That akward moment you try and deep throat a banana and get caught ... and your a dude.
Any machine is a smoke machine if you just use it wrong enough!
So far I’ve spent most of 2014 flipping off the weather channel.
The point of no return sounds like a fun vacation spot.