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Showing cleavage doesn’t fix your face.
It`s okay, Web MD. I don`t really know what`s wrong with me either.
I`m like a kid in a candy store. I can`t afford anything.
Apparently, the answer `I know.` is not a good answer when your friend tells you how awesome his girlfriend is in bed.
It’s not that I don’t care what you’re saying; I was just thinking about food.
Now that "twerk" has been added to the dictionary, I can`t wait for a Spelling Bee judge to be asked to use it in a sentence.
"This isn`t my first rodeo" -Guy at his second rodeo
If you`re not afraid when someone is flipping through the photos on your phone then you`re probably boring.
Pocketwatches were replaced by wristwatches, which became digitalwatches, which were replaced by mobile phones. Which we keep in our pockets
Go ahead, post sober. Ruin everything.
9 of 10 voices in my head telI me I `m crazy. One hums ...
Is running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for squirrels? - Bfanch
I don’t know why you put your boat in Sh!t Creek to begin with.
Finding out your ex got fat is like finding 20 bucks in your pocket. Not life changing but definitely puts a smile on your face.
I have a confession to make... "I want to get back with my ex"...LOL Just Kidding..."I`d rather shit in my hands and clap !"