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Nothing is as scary as logging into Facebook and seeing someone you were secretly with last night has uploaded a new album.
Do you ever just look at a girl and instantly know she posts her daily horoscope on Facebook and quotes Marilyn Monroe?
Bring multiple sets of clothes to work, change every hour, and act like nothing’s different.
Whatever you do in life, always give 100%…unless you’re donating blood…
I think I have a serious problem---Today I was reading the newspaper and found myself looking for the "Like" button.
The WWF advert asks, “When the ice goes, where do the polar bears go?” ... Well, swimming, I suppose.
Do you ever get the feeling that you`re being watched? Because if it`s bothering you, I`ll stop.
The best curve on a girl is her smile ;) ... Lol just kidding!
When asked `What would you bring with you to a deserted island`, how come no one ever replies, `A boat.`?
I can’t afford Disney World so we go to the biggest hill on my street and my kids wait an hour before I roll them down in my office chair.
Are there actually people who get out of the shower to pee? I want to meet them.
Hockey: because running on knives makes sense.
is running out of excuses for the stupid things I do. Please submit suggestions below.
You know you had an awesome night when you need sunglasses to get food out the fridge.
Are oranges named orange because they’re orange or is orange called orange because oranges are orange?