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If a man speaks at sea where no women can hear, is he still wrong?
The reason Rump Roast is called Rump Roast is because nobody would eat it if it was called Cow A$$
Don`t exercise ... fat people are harder to kidnap
I used to have a life. Then some idiot came along and said "Why don’t you make a Facebook account? It`s fun".
Think about what last call would look like if Walmart had a bar
Don`t talk to me about hard times. My dog just licked the last piece of pizza.
"Why?" - Socrates and four year-olds
Whoever said, "All men are created equal", obviously has never received any d!ck pics
I see you posted a photograph of snow with the caption "it`s cold" could you tell me more about that
The only thing I`ve learned from my mistakes is that I make a whole bunch of them
Four words that I never want to hear: There is no food.
Who called them expiration dates instead of spoiler alerts
Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed and it was....GREAT!
I decided to make a bucket list for when I kick the bucket. Number 1: Wear shoes! Ever tried kicking a metal bucket without shoes?
I am sorry I wasn`t being completely honest when I said I was normal.