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When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?
Chuck-E-Cheese, because it`s never too early to introduce your child to poor nutrition and gambling..
I joined weight watchers last month, so far I lost 38 dollars...
No one wants to hear about your diet. Just eat your salad and be sad.
I can`t believe The Stones are still doing it after all these years. Someday I want to have a marriage like Fred and Wilma.
I`m just doing what the beer tells me to.
I only eat the entire pint of ice cream in one sitting so that I won`t be tempted to eat it later.
In a parallel universe calories are trying to burn people.
Tried to text "playa" but it changed it to "player" I must have the white iPhone.
I`ve got big plans for the weekend. If things go well, come Monday morning I`m gonna need a chiropractor, a psychiatrist, a priest and bail money.
Okay I`m going to workout. Should I post about it now or after I`m done?
A friend like you is worth a million dollars. So, if you don’t mind…can I sell you? :D
Revenge is best served to someone`s toothbrush.
Little known fact: Walt Disney was the inventor of modern day text talk "M - I - C... C u real soon... K - E - Y... Y? Because we like u"
Does the employee manual say I CAN`T set up my camping tent inside my cubicle? No? Then please step outside & zip the door up behind you.