Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Note to self: When sending Valentines messages don`t use group text next year.
Either my cooking’s improved or my family’s immune systems have strengthened.
A cop just pulled me over -- asking if I knew my tail light was out? I said, `Uh uh. I drive on the inside of my car`
I heard Disney bought and are relocating the White House to Disneyland. They Say, it will be the new Center Piece of FANTASY LAND.
I was like "No, Pepsi is NOT ok. I wanted a Coke." And she was all "Sir, 911 should only be dialed for real emergencies."
When life gives you melons, wear a low cut top.
When I drink I become everybody`s friend which makes up for my hating everybody when I`m sober.
Hot singles in your area are dating each other while you sit alone staring at your phone.
Why is it that everyone hears the car alarm for a good 5 minutes before the owner does?
If I had three wishes, I`d use one for boobs. Because I`m pretty sure I could get everything else that I wanted if I had boobs.
I will be responsible for my actions....when my actions become more responsible.
The only way I`ll ever run a marathon is if I set up the booths and hand out tags.
Facebook should have a limit on times you can update your relationship status, after 3 it should default to "unstable".
Answering all questions with "but you ain`t got no legs Lieutenant Dan" stops people from asking you questions.
Robots can do anything we set their mind to