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You say `pervert with a telescope` ... I say `biological astronomer`.
How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
Billy Ray Cyrus made a million dollars at a playgirl photo shoot. He just started taking his clothes off and they paid him to put them back on.
Lying in bed, listening to the Doors. I really should oil the hinges...
A cop just pulled me over -- asking if I knew my tail light was out? I said, `Uh uh. I drive on the inside of my car`
Any hedge can be a maze if you are drunk enough.
It`s a serious Lego project when the 1st thing my 5yo does is take off his shirt and gets me a beer from the fridge.
Is everything expensive or am I just poor?
I`m fortunate that anger and nicotine have zero calories.
That awkward moment when you imagine your own funeral...
I`m working harder than an ugly stripper!!
Remember, I`m always here if you need shoulders for your ankles to lie on.
I`ve already had two beers which automatically means my day is already better than yours.
If I keep hitting the treadmill like I do every night, in a few weeks maybe I`ll learn to turn on the light when I get up to pee in the dark
I was just told that I over-analyze things. I need a couple of days to think about that before deciding if I should be offended.