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Receptionist: "The doctor will see you now." Invisible Man: "Finally, a cure!"
Ya, Wednesday sucks but… it could be Monday!
Laugh now because when I die, I`m coming back to haunt you.
I solve my problems by blatantly ignoring them and going on the internet.
Don`t care what your religious or political beliefs are, if you`re male or female, young or old. I will tackle you hard for that last donut.
I got kicked out of the zoo for feeding the ducks ... to the alligators.
You know what would make my cubicle super cute? Fire.
Every shape I had to learn above octagon was just a total fu*king waste of time.
I should win an Oscar for acting like I`m busy at work.
I have never preheated an oven but I have pre-eaten a frozen pizza.
I`m starting to think that some of you are misspelling words on porpoise.
If I can’t act weird around you, I’m sorry we can’t be friends.
A model citizen is just like a regular citizen that doesn`t eat.
The real plot hole in Cinderella was that if everything disappeared at midnight why did the shoe stay?
Dear whoever ate my fries while i was in the ball pit at McDonald`s... grow up!!