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When`s it gonna be the 4th of July? I feel like blowin somethin` up and not gettin` arrested.
The first step to admitting you have a problem is having a problem.
I`m sorry but sh!ts and giggles don`t sound like things I want to have happen at the same time.
All this time I thought PTA stood for Parents to Avoid
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with pretty daughters do.
Its all sh!ts and giggles until someone giggles and sh!ts
R2-D2 from Star Wars, still holds the record for most curse words in a movie.
Your so vain...you probably think this post is about you
If at first you don`t succeed, try drinking a shot of Vodka while you do it. You`ll be amazed of how much less you care.
They say 1 in 3 people cheat in a relationship. I`m not sure if its my wife or my girlfriend.
My mom likes playing this game called `yell from four rooms away and get upset when I can`t hear her`.
Only you can prevent bathroom mirror pictures.
I carry a permanent marker just in case someone without a mustache falls asleep.
Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called " fun size" should really re-evaluate their stanards of entertainment.
Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.