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Attempting to guilt me in to doing something, is the surest way to make sure it never happens.
This day is only a margarita away from being a good one.
Drinking lots of beer and doing my taxes. So far the Government owes me 3.1 million. I love this Country!
I love long walks on the beach under the moonlight, poetry, candlelight dinners, and having my a$$ spanked with a fuzzy slipper.
The most powerful I ever feel is waving pedestrians to walk in front of my car. "Go forth, and trust that I will not kill you."
Girls probably spend more time thinking about what men think than men actually spend thinking.
My pet unicorn told me that I was being delusional again. :/
Someone asked me today if ive ever been with two women at the same time. But why would I want to disappoint two women at the same time?
You call it multiple personality disorder... I call it being mayor of the little town in my head!
Pretty nice opinion you got there. It`d be a shame if someone were to...not give a sh*t about it
I just did a bunch of crunches and curls. There were Nestle Crunches and cheese curls, but still. I`m exhausted.
I finally quit eating pizza for good, now I only eat pizza for evil.
I live like I type, fast and with lots of mistakes!
"Shit ton" is my favorite unit of measurement.
Facebook really needs a “pee on someone’s wall” option.