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They don`t make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to know about celery.
People tend to get angry when you treat them the same way they treat you.
Irish Handcuffs: Holding a beer in each hand.
Knife > gun because if I pull a knife, you don`t know what I`m gonna do. Stab you? Open a letter? Or am I gonna frost a cake? It`s a mystery
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
One day on Mercury lasts about 1,400 hours. Roughly the same as one Monday on earth feels.
Why is it that everyone hears the car alarm for a good 5 minutes before the owner does?
Good Morning: You, my friends are the reason I wake up every morning ? LOL JK, I have to pee.
Would I be in a porno for a million dollars? It depends. What kind of porn? Will my mom see it? Do I have to pay the million all at once?
I don`t care how old I am, if I go out to eat and there are crayons and paper placemats with puzzles... game on!
My original account got suspended for aggressive behavior and they haven`t even seen me in bed yet.
Keep the dream alive, hit the snooze button.
All of my plans for the future start out with “when I get rich”
If A-B-C-D didn`t drag out their part of the Alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn`t have to be so rushed.
Are you still bored? Head over to Walmart, take a box of condoms to the checkout clerk, and ask where the fitting room is.