Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Screw it, I’m starting Friday now.
I just made 3 critical errors: 1. I woke up for work. 2. I went to work. 3. I arrived at work.
I can`t afford Disney World so we go to the biggest hill on my street and my kids wait an hour before I roll them down in my office chair.
When you are on a first date and she says to you: “I want you to treat me like a movie star,” it is vitally important to establish which type of movie.
Happy 4th of July ... U can toss out the Christmas tree now
I`m not the sort of person you should put on speakerphone.
To stupidity ... And beyond!!
Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.
I think a good gauge of my personality is that I watch Homeland to relax.
I hope the final frame of Breaking Bad is white text on black background: "None of this would have happened if we had Universal Healthcare."
Tarantulas make great pets because when they die, rather than grieving you’ll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief.
"My name will live forever!" - Anonymous.
The world is full of nice guys who want naughty girls who want bad boys who want nice girls who want nice guys.
Did you know , that if you use asterisk , you can do anything you want ? * gets on a t-rex and gallops away into the sunset *
My doctor recommended I increase the amount of Greens in my diet...so I started drinking more Rolling Rock.