Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I think it`s safe to assume that people buying stock in twitter have never actually been on twitter.
Do people smoke e-cigarettes after sexting?
Things I use duct tape for, by percentage: Pranks: 35% Car repair: 35% Wrapping presents: 20% Medical emergencies: 10% Ducts: 0%
Me: You`ve dimmed the lights already, aren`t we forward? * smiles suggestively * Optometrist: Just read the letters on the screen.
Does anyone know how much water I`m supposed to add to this baby powder, to make an infant?
Wouldn`t it be great to revive the old "Mutual Of Omaha`s Wild Kingdom" show, but with a new setting? Like a WalMart Store in Kentucky?
I`m glad I`m me, I don`t think anybody else could take it.
Chinese food to go: $16.84. Gas to go get it: $2.62. Getting home and realizing they forgot one of your containers: Riceless.
You can save a lot of money by walking face-first into a spiderweb every morning instead of buying coffee.
I`m a fantastic secret-keeper because, deep down, I really don`t care enough to actually talk about it to anyone else.
thinks it would be great if we really burped bubbles when we were drunk .. just like in cartoons.
I had a wet dream about you last night. Yeah, I was drowning you in a lake.
Two things that most people want. 1. Lose weight 2. Eat
Fast food places should have a third window, where you can trade in the wrong stuff they gave you at the second window.
*Goes to the gym. Takes a selfie in front of the weights. Leaves.