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I thought Match .com was a place to arrange fights to the death, but turns out it`s a website to find love. So I was close.
I`d rather be in a relationship where no one wears the pants.
I realized I eat too much fast food so I decided I would start cooking for myself. Does anyone here know how to "mcnugget" a chicken?
Hillybilly Word Of The Day.."Twerk"..."Welp, I`m done with lunch so I`d better get back twerk!"
I know she`s talking about rain but I don`t like hearing my mom say she got 6 inches
It’s 2015, why cant you unselect a floor in an elevator yet?
My body is made up of 90% water, 5% pizza and 5% wine.
This jar of peanut butter says "may contain nuts" on it. Remember when survival of the fittest was a thing? Good times.
My stalker twisted his ankle, so now I have to walk slower for 2-3 weeks.
I love finding money in my clothes. It’s like a gift to me ... from me.
The wife almost caught me browsing on Facebook, but I quickly clicked over to a porn site. That was close.
Don`t hate me because I`m beautiful. Hate me because your man thinks I am.
Whoever decided to color underpants white was an idiot.
I`m not saying I`m out of shape but I just stretched, got winded, and need to lie down
I`m not naughty ... I`m mischievously creative