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If my smartphone was so smart, then why it can`t do my math homework
feels like getting some work done ... so I am sitting down until the feeling passes.
I smoked weed once and realized spoons are just little bowls on sticks
Dear World, Stop saying "twerk."
Just belted the dog in the drivers seat and pushed the car up to the drive-thru window
I don`t think I get enough credit for the fact that I do all of this unmedicated.
whoever snuck the `s` in fast food is a clever person
Every once in a while someone really special walks into your life. That person is usually delivering a pizza
If you tell me you`re giving something 110% then I’m assuming the extra 10% is your stupidity.
Thanks for posting another selfie. I completely forgot what you looked like 24 hours ago.
As soon as you think “maybe I can get up early and just finish it tomorrow” you’ve already lost.
This morning someone threw Skittles at me and said "Taste the Rainbow", I ran them over with my car and sang,"Nationwide is on your side"
Any way you can speed this up, officer? I`m obviously in a hurry.
I swear, its like EVERY payday I gotta spend money cause there`s a birthday party to go to, a wedding, a baby shower, a new video game, a new stripper, something. Always something...
I`m tired of making the same mistakes over and over again. Does anyone have any new mistakes I can borrow?