Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The worst part about being stoned at work is realizing it`s your day off.
Who the hell buys a cat? There are cats everywhere just let one in your home and it becomes your cat.
Got a little too much sun today. I knew I should have closed the blinds.
Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won´t spoil me.
Be nice to a nerd. Prevent a super-villain.
My wife and I decided not to have kids. The kids are taking it pretty hard.
Just knowing that I have successfully pissed you off again makes my day.
I didn`t break the rules. They were broken when I got here.
The invention of the shovel was groundbreaking!
"Do you have a charger?" is the new "Could I bum a cigarette?"
You know it`s time to delete Facebook when your mom, dad, uncles, aunties, grandparents etc... is on it.
Mondays feel like biting into a chocolate chip cookie only to find out it`s oatmeal raisin.
Never hire an Electrician with no eyebrows
When your boss says "You need help", he never means a hitman.
This salad tastes like I’d rather be fat.