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I suspect the ancient Greeks would be horrified that we refer to `laying on a couch all weekend watching a TV series` as a "marathon"
If you got up this morning and ran straight to fb i am 100% POSITIVE its because you missed me.
I got some new underwear. Well, new to me...
Is beer cheaper off the kids menu
Was there even food before people started posting pictures of it on Instagram?
Fellas.....the girl on the flyer is never at the club
I`m concerned my kids will end up in therapy because I didn`t tell everyone on FB how much I love them.
Forget resolutions, Imma just say from now on... TGIS "Thank God I Survived" ! :)
My dog can`t hear me yelling at him to stop chasing squirrels, but he can hear a damn cheese wrapper from 500 miles away
$10 says some idiot is gonna hear the word Ebola and think "that`d be a great name for my new baby!"
Why do people always feel safe under blankets...its not like a murderer will break in and be like "I`M GONNA KILL YAA__AAHHHhhhh dang he is under a blanket.
I`m not saying I`m out of shape but I just stretched, got winded, and need to lie down
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental issues
Coworker: I have a degree in History. Me: That`ll really come in handy if life starts going backwards.
Ever wonder if we`re just a reality TV show for a more intelligent species?