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I suspect the ancient Greeks would be horrified that we refer to `laying on a couch all weekend watching a TV series` as a "marathon"
LIFE TIP: The early worm gets dismembered, and eaten alive!
Of course I’ll buy a polished rock made into a necklace. I’m on vacation, aren’t I?
I’m in a long distance relationship. Sure, some people refer to it as a restraining order, but still.
There`s no law against twerking...but apparently it`s still frowned upon during jury duty.
Women say they love a man in uniform but when i go clubbing in my McDonalds uniform none of them will talk to me....I`m confused
You make me want to be a drunker person
You know its bad when you feel like your life is being directed by Quentin Tarantino.
Reasons why I never let my girlfriend touch my phone. 1. I don`t have a girlfriend.
If any of you ladies want pancakes for breakfast, just come over....you can make them here, because I want some too
When I die, I want a cellphone in my coffin...just in case
Don`t Follow Me, I`m Lost Too
SEX! Now that I got your attention. I just wanted to say, "Have a great weekend!"
Every time I make plans to eat better I can hear my stomach laughing
Tip of the day: Don`t be a douche!