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I hate it when the credit card bills come in and I have to have sex with my husband.
You don`t have to like me, I`m not a Facebook status.
The average person farts 14 times a day. Finally, I`m above average at something!
Highway to Hell is a great song because you can play it at both your wedding and your funeral.
Upside to hurricanes... you might get a free boat delivered to your front yard.
I`m not fat. My stomach is in 3D
I would just like to personal thank all the people in my life that have caused me so many problems, for making me the as$ I am today!
Fast way to mess up someones Knock Knock joke? "It`s open."
That Awkward Moment when you’re being sarcastic and someone believes you.
YouTube is so addicting, I click on a music video and next thing you know I`m watching how to make ice cream.
There are two types of people...don`t worry you are not one of them.
I love Costco. You don`t go there thinking you`re gonna buy a 12-pack of watermelons but you`ll probably leave with one.
The Best Excuse given by a Lady for Missing Work ! "My husband took an overdose of Viagra.....Couldn`t leave him alone with the Maid"
Birth control pills should really be made for men. It makes more sense to unload a gun than to shoot a bulletproof vest.
This is my leftover status from Thanksgiving.