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I`ve spent my whole life trying to find a girl with a psychiatric disorder that makes her think she`s a woodpecker.
Why does the need to pee intensify by million when you are trying to unlock the door to your house.
Just ordered a chicken and an egg off the internet to see which comes first. I`ll keep you posted.
My wife is amazing in bed. She can fall asleep immediately no matter how loud the TV is on.
I can`t believe that it`s almost the year 2014 and I still have to bend down to pick stuff up.
In all my years, I have never finished a pencil.
Seagull Manager; Someone who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everyone and then leaves.
Facebook needs a "settle down" button.. You tap on a friend`s profile, that locks them out for a day so they can work through stuff privately..
There are no limits to what you can accomplish when you’re supposed to be doing something else.
If you want to set up a company and run it then that`s your business.
Imagine all the amazing places you could take naps if you were Superman.
I probably shouldn’t have driven home from the bar last night ... Especially as I walked there in the first place.
I`m the type of person who goes out to a restaurant and orders a veggie burger with cheese and bacon on it.
That last phone call with my wife was so boring, I feel like I owe the NSA an apology.
In life you will meet all sorts of people, happy, moody, shy, loud, weird, and then there`s me So deal with it mmuhaaaaaaaahaaahaaaa that`s right !