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Why do baby clothes have pockets?
There is nothing sadder than waking and turning to see the love of your life`s face to find she has deflated in the night.
During Sex you burn as much calories as running 5 miles ... Who the f*ck runs 5 miles in 30 seconds.
is having some serious PMS: Parked Motorcycle Syndrome!
Today I met one of those people on the bus that gets all pissed off when you put your finger in their mouth when they yawn.
I bet strippers look forward to that feeling of getting home and wearing a bra after a long day at work.
No, I do not want to talk about how I got all these scratches. On a completely unrelated note; If you`ve ever wondered how many squirrels fit in a pillowcase,,,.. it’s 9.
is experiencing life at a rate of several wtf´s a minute
We all have that one friend who needs to learn how to whisper
I turned out ok for a kid raised in a large part by Bugs Bunny.
Adulthood is basically sadness and paying bills.
I`m surprised people still ask me if I want to hold their baby given the number of times I`ve dropped my phone.
Women say all men are dogs, but fail to realize that dogs are the most loyal creatures in the world if you treat them right.
Laughing at your mistakes can lengthen your life. Laughing at your wife’s can shorten it
I don`t need a New Years Resolution, I`m already awesome!