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Attention!! Today I am traveling back in time to right some wrongs in this world. You will know I succeeded if the Germans lost WW2 and that Thursday comes before Wednesday.
My ex is living proof as to how stupid I can be.
I can`t wait for a empty Christmas wrapping paper tube to bonk someone over the head with!
Dad, I love how we don`t even have to say out loud that I`m your favorite. Happy Fathers Day!
"What doesn`t kill you makes you smaller." -Super Mario
The nice thing about being single is when you`re setting the silverware, it doesn`t matter which side you put the remote on.
I spend 800% of my life exaggerating.
You the bomb" "No you the bomb" A compliment in America. An argument in the middle east
Fitness? More like fitness whole cheesecake in my mouth.
This might be the worst online counseling site ever.
That last phone call with my wife was so boring, I feel like I owe the NSA an apology.
You can either be right, or you can be the husband.
Life is about perspective like the sinking of the Titanic was a miracle for the lobsters in the ships kitchen
The future is that time when you’ll wish you’d done what you aren’t doing now.
How can they have a Facebook group called Facebookers Anonymous? That`s like trying to hold a successful AA meeting in a bar.